What Is Financial Abuse? Here’s How to Recognise the Signs

When we think about abuse, money isn’t always the first thing that comes to mind. But financial abuse is one of the most common, and invisible, forms of control in relationships. For a long time, I didn’t know it had a name. I just knew that something didn’t feel right.

Financial abuse, also known as economic harm, happens when someone uses money as a way to control, isolate, or manipulate you. It can affect anyone, but it’s most commonly experienced by women in intimate partner relationships. And more often than not, it’s subtle. Quiet. Easy to miss. Especially when you’re in it.

What exactly is financial abuse?

In New Zealand, financial abuse is recognised under the Family Violence Act 2018 as a form of psychological abuse. It includes anything that limits your ability to be financially independent, whether that’s stopping you from working, taking control of your bank accounts, or making you feel guilty for spending money on yourself.

According to research from the University of Auckland, one in seven women in Aotearoa who have been in a relationship have experienced economic abuse. And when you include psychological abuse, where financial control often sits, that number rises to one in two.

Once you understand what financial abuse actually looks like, it becomes easier to spot - not just in your own life, but in the lives of the women around you…

…A friend who can’t leave because she has no access to money…

…A mum who stopped working because her partner made her feel selfish for wanting a career…

… A sister who apologises every time she spends anything on herself…

…A coworker who spends all of her money on the household and kids while the husband uses his pay cheque to fund his expensive hobbies…

These aren’t isolated stories. They’re signals that something deeper might be going on.

Common signs of financial abuse

You don’t have to be physically threatened or yelled at to be financially abused. Sometimes, it looks like love. Sometimes, it looks like “just being responsible with money.” But here are some signs to watch out for:

• You don’t have access to shared bank accounts or financial information

• You’re expected to ask for permission before spending - even on basics like groceries or petrol

• Your partner handles all the money and discourages you from getting involved

• You’re discouraged or prevented from working, or they sabotage your job

• You’ve discovered debt taken out in your name without your knowledge

• You feel guilty spending money on yourself, even when it’s your own income

That last one? It’s a big one.

Women are taught from a young age that spending on ourselves is frivolous or selfish. We joke about shopping habits, handbags, and makeup, but rarely question how normal it is for men to spend thousands on bikes, golf clubs, or tech gear without it being seen as wasteful.

These stereotypes create a double standard. Research shows that women spend more than men in areas like clothing and personal care, but part of that is because products marketed to women often cost more. This is known as the “pink tax,” and it reinforces the idea that women are less responsible with money, even when we’re spending on basic needs or for our family.

When these messages are internalised, it’s easy to start doubting yourself. You second-guess your purchases. You believe you’re “bad with money” or not trustworthy with finances. And when you're in a relationship where money is already a point of tension, that can make it easier to accept someone else taking control.

The impact runs deep

Financial abuse isn’t just about money. It chips away at your self-worth. It creates dependence. It can leave you feeling like you have no options, no voice, and no way out.

Women who experience economic abuse alongside other forms of intimate partner violence are nearly five times more likely to be diagnosed with a mental health condition such as anxiety or depression. And it makes sense - when someone controls your ability to support yourself, it affects every part of your life.

You’re not alone - and it’s not your fault

If you’re reading this and recognising yourself, please know that you’re not alone. So many of us have been there, and there is a way forward. You are allowed to understand what’s happening, ask questions, and make decisions that support you.

There are services in Aotearoa that can help:

• Women’s Refuge – 0800 733 843 (0800 REFUGE)

• Family Violence Helpline – 0800 456 450

• Good Shepherd NZ – Support and advocacy for economic harm: goodshepherd.org.nz